I didn't shave. On purpose
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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