Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
only you would photoshop your dick
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
