It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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