My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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