Do you still have your period?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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