idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
