I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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