Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
