We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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