dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Your penis caused this!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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