Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
