Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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