Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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