I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
