Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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