So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
