just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
