Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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