im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
