Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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