Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
