Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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