i just had sex bonerless
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
