The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize