You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
