Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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