i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
