Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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