May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
