K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
