So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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