woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
