he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
