i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
