How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
