Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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