i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
