Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
