oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
