Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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