You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize