Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
