Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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