well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize