My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the condom got lost in my hair
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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