I think im going to throw up on grandma
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
