I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize