he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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