I am in a vortex of obligation.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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