i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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