oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
