I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
