ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
