I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
