Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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