It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
sick fucks of a feather flock together
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My vagina is officially offended.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
