And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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