Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
