I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
