legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
