I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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