It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize