I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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