Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
