you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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