I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
