so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm too high and old for this...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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