you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
