Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize