everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
