did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Let's get the cat blown out
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
