I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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