I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
