Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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