You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
