I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
