so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
