drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His hands were made for my vagina.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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