I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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