she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
