i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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