So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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