Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
