You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
