She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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