4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i believe in u and ur pee
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
