yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
