i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize