If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
