My liver just broke up with me...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
