i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
