The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
