Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
