we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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