Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We are all done wearing pants today
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
