Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
