no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
