does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
