I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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