Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
