i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
