some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
